Conviction

Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte

Chapter 27 – This chapter is quite intense!  I was moved by her conviction at such a vulnerable time…

“This was true: and while he spoke my very conscience and reason turned traitors against me, and charged me with crime in resisting him. They spoke almost as loud as Feeling: and that clamoured wildly. “Oh, comply!” it said. “Think of his misery; think of his danger–look at his state when left alone; remember his headlong nature; consider the recklessness following on despair–soothe him; save him; love him; tell him you love him and will be his. Who in the world cares for YOU? or who will be injured by what you do?”

Still indomitable was the reply–”I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad–as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth–so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane–quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.”

grief

I woke up this morning with a sadness and uncomfortable restlessness that’s become a familiar feeling.  most of the time, to know that she is with Jesus, her body all healed and laughing again, is quite comforting, and i feel joyful and happy for her, but on days like today, i feel the huge emptiness in my gut–i suppose this is grief…i don’t like it at all!  sometimes, i throw myself a really great pity-party and it’s like i’m 6 years old, and feel like my aunt left me all alone in the grocery store, and i don’t know what to do, so i just wait there and hope she returns soon.  i certainly never expected to feel the “aloneness”, nor did i expect to await her phone-call in the evening, only to suddenly realize that she will not be calling…will not be wanting to share something hysterical, will no longer be my cheerleader, will no longer ask if i saw such-and-such on the news, will no longer ask when i can come visit her.  <Heavy sigh>, i just miss her, that’s all.

mesothelioma sucks

That’s it — mesothelioma sucks.

meal fit for a queen

Last saturday, i and five other guests, enjoyed a multi-course meal fit for a king & queen.  it’s become an annual thing, and my taste buds & i look forward to it with great anticipation.  she sets the table and he cooks…just because.  because they love us and boy do i appreciate the way they love us!  we gather in the kitchen to munch on olives, nuts and sip champagne, while we watch the show…pots and pans everywhere!  and the smells…oh the fragrant smells wafting around…teasing the olfactory system.  then, ushered into the beautiful dining area, we are served, slowly, course by delicious course, while we sip wine and enjoy great conversation.  each course is described as it is being brought out…it’s truly titillating.  as we wait for the next course, we listen to stories of how much fun they had at this true labor of love.  how they had to hold the ice-cream maker together when it broke while in the process of making the ice-cream…and how it ended up in the trash toot-sweet after all the luscious mixture was removed.  how they matched the wine with each course, and how they decided on which greens to use for the salad.  i only apologize that i neglected to take pictures of the salad and main course of lamb & risotto.  i was distracted you see…the description of the food…i just wasn’t thinking about my camera.

i have to admit, just remembering the feast from a few days ago has got my mouth watering all over again.  next february seems like a lifetime away…sheeesh…whatever shall i eat till then?

The senators signed the stimulus bill without first knowing what what in it.

the “bachelor” had to spend the night with and “test drive” the girls…just to be sure…

at the highly intense film “taken”, about young girls and slave trade, i was saddened to see parents with their pre-teen kids there.

guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are my god and savior, and my hope is in you all day long.  psalms 25:5

map the news

Talk about mapping the news!  i thought you might enjoy this site.  i like the “map” feature.  so cool!  it’s yet another way to keep us all in touch and connected — in a cyber-sort-of-way.

flash

http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/flash/

special friends

Today, while most of the u.s. was glued to the t.v. watching the superbowl, i spent the day with a dear friend.  she recently celebrated another birthday, and like most females her age, pretty much could care less about it.  but nevertheless, we celebrated today.  first she opened her gift…clothes…yaaay!  girlfriend had to try it all on…it fit!  then we got on the computer and looked at pics of her birthday celebration with the fam.  we laughed and chatted.  she showed me her newest shoes…she’s a real shoe freak!  she notices everyone’s shoes…she even wanted to try on my jeweled mules!   we munched on cheese & crackers, then dinner—-chicken cordon bleu—-yummm.  after dinner, the party got a little wild.  we sang and danced in front of the t.v. with meryl streep in Mama Mia…her favorite film.  it was great!  then, we collapsed on opposite ends of the couch and just chatted.  it was a great day full of laughing, some tears, quiet moments, and crazy dancing & singing with meryl.  i love our “girlfriend” time and i absolutely love her sweet, fun, curious nature.  she’s way more energetic than i am, but so far, i’ve been able to keep up.  i love who she is and what she’s become, yet, i can’t help to wonder what she will be like when she turns three…

i was reminded…

Today, my pastor completed a series we’ve been studying in church — the book of philippians.  this is one of my favorite books in the bible.  it is full of “father like” instruction, and brimming with encouragement!

• 1:3 i thank my god for you…
• 1:9 …that your love may abound more and more in knowledge…
• 1:18 …christ is preached.  and because of this i rejoice.  yes, i will continue to rejoice.
  
• 2:3 do nothing out of selfish ambition…but in humility, value others above yourself…
• 2:14 do everything without grumbling…then you will shine like stars in the sky…
• 2:17 …i am glad and rejoice with all of you…18 so you should be glad and rejoice with me.
  
• 3:1 …rejoice in the lord.
  
• 3:14 i press on toward the goal to win the prize…in christ jesus.
• 3:17  join together in following my example brothers and sisters…
• 3:20 our citizenship is in heaven. 21…our bodies…will be like his glorious body.
• 4:4 rejoice in the lord always, again, rejoice.
• 4:5 …the lord is near.  do not be anxious about anything…
• 4;7 …the peace of god…will guard your hearts and your minds…
  
• 4:9 whatever you have learned…put into practice.  and the god of peace will be with you.
• 4:13 i can do all things through him who gives me strength.
• 4:19 my god will meet all your needs.

it’s like a personalized pep rally –  just for me!

then, i was reminded…

• 1:13 it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard…that i am in chains for christ.
• 1:20 i eagerly expect and hope that i will…have sufficient courage…
• 1:23 i desire to depart and to be with christ…
• 2:17 i am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice

paul wrote philippians while he was in prison and shackled in chains.  not a prison with pink walls to calm the soul, books, tv, outdoor privileges, 3 daily meals, an infirmary, an attorney, a chapel, etc.   i don’t know for sure, but i imagine this prison was more of a cold, wet, stone, dark, rat infested prison with an unbelievable stench of death.  a prisoner ate & drank, only if and when a family member or friend brought sustenance.   most of the time, prisoners were in these prisons, not as punishment, but to rot until their death.  “…rejoice in the lord always, again, rejoice.” phil 4:4

i am wiser.

i am encouraged.

i am humbled to the point of tears.

let’s just say…

So, did you hear about the inaugural prayer? that darn pastor rick warren!  he didn’t say anything about who jesus is in his prayer! he didn’t say anything about the horrors of abortion…what was he thinking?   this was a weak, “safe” and watered-down prayer.  for pete’s sake, he didn’t even take the opportunity to reach out to those 10′s of thousands of people to pray the sinners prayer with them…what a huge mistake, wouldn’t you say?

why didn’t pastor rick reveal, on behalf of all us concerned & loving christians, all our opposing, conservative, christian thoughts by praying them out loud for all the world to hear?  well, because it would have sounded a bit, (ok, a lot) manipulative and would have been dishonoring and embarrassing to the president.  this was obama’s special day.  we were not there to, nor was it the forum to fight abortion, or discuss politics…(although i seem to remember the ending of another prayer which said “when yellow is mellow, and when whites…”, sorry, sorry, i couldn’t help it.)

let’s just say that this prayer was solely for the purpose of honoring and blessing our new president by reaching out to the one most high, and bringing him into the inaugural process.  by asking the almighty to put his protective hand over the president, his family and his staff.  my bible teaches me to pray for our leaders.  what better gift to give our new leader than to request blessing, protection and wisdom on him from the one true mighty god!

ok, now, read it again . . .

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Rick Warren’s Inaugural Invocation

Almighty God, our Father, everything we see and everything we can’t see exists because of you alone. It all comes from you. It all belongs to you. It all exists for your glory.

History is your story. The Scripture tells us, “Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God. The Lord is One.” And you are the compassionate and merciful one. And you are loving to everyone you have made.

Now, today, we rejoice not only in America’s peaceful transfer of power for the 44th time. We celebrate a hingepoint of history with the inauguration of our first African American president of the United States. We are so grateful to live in this land, a land of unequaled possibility, where the son of an African immigrant can rise to the highest level of our leadership. And we know today that Dr. King and a great cloud of witnesses are shouting in heaven.

Give to our new President, Barack Obama, the wisdom to lead us with humility, the courage to lead us with integrity, the compassion to lead us with generosity. Bless and protect him, his family, Vice President Biden, the cabinet, and every one of our freely elected leaders.

Help us, O God, to remember that we are Americans, united not by race, or religion, or blood, but to our commitment to freedom and justice for all. When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget you, forgive us. When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone, forgive us. When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the earth with the respect that they deserve, forgive us. And as we face these difficult days ahead, may we have a new birth of clarity in our aims, responsibility in our actions, humility in our approaches, and civility in our attitudes, even when we differ.

Help us to share, to serve and to seek the common good of all. May all people of goodwill today join together to work for a more just, a more healthy and a more prosperous nation and a peaceful planet. And may we never forget that one day all nations and all people will stand accountable before you. We now commit our new president and his wife, Michelle and his daughters, Malia and Sasha, into your loving care.

I humbly ask this in the name of the one who changed my life, Yeshua, Isa, Jesus [Spanish pronunciation], Jesus, who taught us to pray:

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”

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Pastor Warren’s transcript borrowed from:http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctpolitics/2009/01/rick_warrens_in.html

what’s really important?

It’s all important…isn’t it?  what’s for dinner.  your vulnerable finances.  the dent in your car.  losing your job.  bad grades.  losing your home.  bad hair day.  your failing health.  your feelings were hurt.  a family members failing health.  your project is late.  the loss of a friendship.  you cloths are too tight.  a death in the family.  wait.  what?  a life has just ended.  everything stop…

r.c.  1933 – 2009 he now sits at the feet of jesus – rejoice!

death, or a funeral, often bring thoughts of re-prioritizing and setting things “right” again in our lives…or maybe it causes us to say “i wish…”,  “if only…”, “why didn’t i…”   a friend of mine says that it’s the dash in between the birth date and death date that really matters.  what do you think?

1. “do not let your hearts be troubled. trust in god; trust also in me. 2. in my father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, i would have told you.  i am going there to prepare a place for you. 3. and if i go and prepare a place for you, i will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where i am.   ~ john 14:1-3

aaah…heaven.  again, i rejoice.